The Vicious Circle of Loneliness & Misery

Ever wonder why you are born ? Does your life matter ? What is "Life" ? “Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.” as Woody Allen puts it.

Loneliness is a strange concept, isn't it ? Is it a state of confusion ? Is it boredom ? or is it simply the realization that you are alone. To me loneliness is the realization that the universe is functioning perfectly, yet I am somehow perfectly locked within myself. One can't explain why or what makes you feel this way. Loneliness is like an earthquake, you don't see it coming, it just hits you ... and then we all know what the after effects can be !! A thousand questions fill your mind and with each question you keep falling deeper and deeper into this abyss of nothingness. Lost, confused, alone !! All you have with you is an infinite set of questions and hazy answers. The more you think about it the more you tend to go into this subconscious state of mind ... you start losing it ... talking to yourself ... hallucinating at some point.

What is this ... why is this ? It simply doesn't have one answer. More than anything, it is people around you who make you feel this way. Sometimes it is because of discrimination or just because of neglect or how people treat you in general. When you're in your room, when you're just staring into space ... thinking about people, friends .... and you feel so out of place, like you don't belong and that your existence doesn't matter to anyone. You sometimes start feeling that people are there just to check whether you are still alive. People whom you were so close to, now, are irritated by your presence. All this thinking, all this wandering of thoughts, all these twisted toxic things leads to pain equivalent to a thousand ants biting you. Loneliness, alone, pain, realization of pain !!

You're standing still, staring into the abyss, as the world moves around you at the speed of sound. Eventually all of these feeling, which started with the realization that you are lonely ... turn into misery. "Misery is almost always the result of thinking." as Joseph Joubert says. Misery is like diabetes, it can be treated, but cannot be cured. A part of every misery is it's shadow: The fact that you are not merely miserable, but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you are miserable. I not only live each endless day in misery, but live each day thinking about living each day in misery. It doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many mugs of beer you drink with your friends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood, and how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy.

All these severe rush of emotions ... Life is like a roller-coaster ride, all you want to do is wait for it to end, even as you grab on tight and scream your lungs out. As Jim Morrison said "People fear death even more than pain. It's strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over. Yeah, I guess it is a friend !!"